Men Driving Fast in Funky Circles

(or The F1 2022 Season So Far!)

Now wait just a damn second! You’re telling me that we’re over half way through the Formula One season and we haven’t made a post about it?! Allow me to fix that! But after twelve races, there’s a lot to unpack; so, naturally, we’re going to focus on the important bits. You know, the bits that really got everyone talking this season. There have been talks of races being removed from the 2023 calendar. There have been discussions of races being re-added to the 2023 line up and the first running of the Miami GP. There have been broken records, broken side pods and very broken cars. All of which are typical in a season of F1 but here’s a look at some of the less typical events that have occurred this season.

All Aboard the Steiner Ship!

Due to Russia being a massive bunch of a-holes, Nikita Mazapin got drop kicked from Haas so fast I’m pretty sure he spun and crashed on his way out. Which means only one thing: Kevin ‘K-Mag’ Magnussen is back and feistier than ever! He is here to race cars and fock smash doors and Haas is all out of doors. Kevin has returned in fine form and has taken Schumini under his wing which means Mick finally has a team mate that he can learn from and compete with and, with the help of the new and improved Haas, they’re now a midfield team in the right circumstances.

Achievement Unlocked: Schumacher Gene: Activated

Mick Schumacher had a bit of a rough start to the season but he’s made a bit of a comeback as of late. He’s given K-Mag a team mate to be proud of by scoring points twice in a row and scoring a career best finish of 6th in Austria where he insisted he was faster than his more experienced team mate. However, Haas didn’t issue team orders during the sprint race and cost Schumacher a point which unlocked the Schumacher genes. No more mister nice Mick. If something pisses him off, it seems he’s more than happy to speak up about it all on his own, thank you very much.

Adrian Newey: The Last Airbender

Oracle Red Bull Racing’s performance in the first half of the 2022 season has proven that Adrian Newey is worth his weight in ground force. Newey not only designed the RB18 with minimal porpoising, he has upgraded his initial design and it was so effective Aston Martin copy and pasted it onto their car. Whatever Red Bull is paying Newey is not enough. The man has designed multiple different cars over the years, 10 of which have won the Monaco Grand Prix. Then Red Bull made the announcement that the RB17 was coming… a hybrid V8 two seater, 1110 bhp ground effects hyper car created by none other than Adrian Newey. For those who didn’t know or don’t understand the car’s name, last year’s Red Bull chassis was the RB16B; this year’s chassis is the RB18. The RB17 was the car that never was but now is and only 50 will be made.

Keep My Honey Badger’s Name Out Ya F*cking Mouth!

McLaren is an advocate for UK mental health charity Mind. HOWEVER! Team CEO Zak Brown has felt it necessary to bad mouth Australian driver, Daniel Ricciardo, repeatedly over the first half of the season. Brown not only repeatedly compared his two F1 drivers, he also made the entire world question Ricciardo’s future at McLaren and in F1 as a whole. Now, let’s consider for a second the impact that such repeated and extremely public negativity from one’s boss can have on a person. Hmmm… Yep, it seems like McLaren’s CEO is more concerned about his golden children than he is in McLaren actually producing a decent car this season. Perhaps, if the team orders and strategic decisions were to go in Daniel’s favour every now and then, we may see better results from him. Just sayin’.

Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in the running for the Championship any more.

Toto Wolff has said that F1 is ‘boring’ due to Red Bull and Ferrari’s dominance. Hypocrisy thy name is Toto! *glares back at 8 effing years of Mercedes Constructors Championship dominance* Was the 2015 to 2021 seasons boring as well Toto? I suppose this is very much a case of you only sing when you’re winning. On top of that, Toto even made a not so subtle dig at Martin Brundle during a grid walk, saying that the Sky presenter never came around their area of the grid any more. Sorry Ferrari and Red Bull ruined your fun, Toto, but, now that your Championship bids are over, now would be the ideal time to humble George Russell before he’s force fed humble pie. If everyone “turned into me”, at some point I’d start asking what if I’m the problem, not everyone else.

Send in the Clowns

Ferrari has a pit wall: yes. Ferrari has a pit crew: Also yes. Ferrari have strategists: No. Ferrari have A strategist. Singular. Named Carlos Sainz Junior because Carlos seems to be the only person in Ferrari who seems to understand that F1 races can sometimes depend on strategy to win. Not running through the entirety of the alphabet looking for a plan. With questionable reliability and an engine that seems to enjoy turning itself into an open flame barbecue grill, Ferrari’s only hope of clawing their way back into Constructors Championship contention is using good old fashioned strategy. However, stragedy strikes unless Carlos makes the decisions on his team’s behalf. I mean, last time they listened to him, he won at Silverstone. #GiveCarlosASecondPaycheck And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, it seems Charles’ season is going the same way as Sebastian Vettel’s Ferrari 2018 season. Is history doomed to repeat itself for the prancing horses?

The Lean Green Red Bull Looking Machine

A lot of eyebrows were raised when Aston Martin rocked up with a massive upgrade package in Silverstone that looked very familiar. So familiar that fans dubbed it the Green Red Bull and the Red Bull pit wall decided to put aside their original blue and silver cans in favour of the Red Bull Green Edition cans. I know people wanted to see Sebastian Vettel in a Red Bull again but, seriously, Aston Martin that’s not what we meant. Even with these upgrades, however, the Green Red Bull was still slow and still had fundamental problems. Knowing that Aston Martin had poached/hired former Red Bull employees (and having Inspector Seb on the case surely helped) brought into question the legality of the upgrades. However, there has been a more pressing issue of late. Can Aston Martin keep their Red Bull champion for another season? There has been no confirmation whether Sebastian Vettel will race for another season as of yet but talks are ongoing. Update: As of 28/07/22, Sebastian Vettel has announced his retirement from Formula 1 at the end of the season. We’re saddened to see an F1 legend go but we wish Seb all the best in whatever his future may hold.

I Can See Your Halo

The British Grand Prix weekend alone highlighted the importance of the Halo. With serious incidents in both Formula 1 and 2 and no fatalities, the Halo earned its name and silenced a lot of critics yet again. The most dramatic incident being the lap 1 incident involving Zhou Gyanyu’s Alfa Romeo sliding upside down into Turn 1. There were serious concerns for the driver’s welfare as his car remained stuck between the catch barrier and the tyre wall barrier. Zhou was entirely unharmed and was conscious during the event, convinced that he was upside down and was more concerned about the possibility of a fire breaking out. He admitted that the Halo saved his life and was racing a week later, entirely undeterred.

Zhou Much Better Than Expected

Some people had expected Zhou Gyanyu to be another in a long line of sub par pay drivers to grace Formula 1 with their presence. Zhou, on the other hand, has proven that he’s got the chops to deserve a place in F1 and has even managed to out qualify his team mate. He’s even managed to score some points for Alfa Romeo becoming the first Chinese driver ever to score points in Formula 1.

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And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what you missed so far this season in F1! And yes, I absolutely spent too long thinking up punny titles and references for this post. It was worth it.