Burn Out

Lately a lot of stuff has piled up on my plate and life was hectic. I was doing my best to produce posts of the highest quality for the blog while helping family and dealing with issues all the while ensuring that no one else had to worry about any of the problems I had. I was also sick (not ‘Rona, don’t worry) and I’m currently still dealing with that and gradually getting over it but, with all that going on, something had to give so I could take time to recover. Unfortunately, it was the blog that took the hit and I stepped away while Niamh was exceptionally busy and we went long periods of time without posting. I had no motivation to write or create and, with a lot on my plate, I had no time either. Personally, I feel like the last few posts that were published for the blog (before the Wild Youth review) were only so-so and I really believe that I could have done better. In reality, I was posting because I felt a pressure to keep posting at semi-regular intervals so people wouldn’t lose interest in us and what we do and talk about here. Honestly, I was just trying to keep the blog active so you guys, gals and pals (our readers) wouldn’t miss out even if the post weren’t all that interesting. Niamh and I have worked hard to get to where we are as a blog and, to some, we may not have gotten far but for us to be where we are right now is an achievement and I wanted to keep that going.

Part of the problem is the fact that I don’t ask for help. I prefer to depend only on myself to get things done. I know what I can do and I don’t like relying on others to do things for me. I’ve been independent since I was 16 so I’m used to doing things for myself and it’s not in my DNA to ask for help even if I need it. If I can’t do it myself, I just have to figure out another way to get the job done that I can do. That, on top of the fact that I feel guilty for saying no to people, doesn’t help. So my schedule and to-do list are always ridiculously full and the little free time that I do have is spent with friends, at gigs, or asleep. I don’t get enough sleep and I know that for a fact but I try not to let that get to me when I have such limited free time but, at some point or another, I’ll crash and miss out on buying Billie Eilish tickets that Niamh then picks up for me (Thank you Niamh!) because I’ve been asleep for 14 hours straight. I mean I already don’t sleep much but, leading up to this, I was worse than normal. On the bad days, I survive on sugar and (probably) unhealthy amounts of Red Bull so I don’t miss out on anything. So really the burn out was inevitable. It was bound to happen one way or another.

When the burn out hit, I hated every minute of it. I spent days unmotivated just binge watching series on Netflix and procrastinating. I knew that I should have been writing something at the very least but I had less than zero inspiration or interest in actually trying to create something. I just felt exhausted by the idea that I HAD to write something for the blog when the reality is that I should really have been writing if and when I wanted to rather than forcing myself to look at a blank computer screen for inspiration. Then I felt guilty for wasting so much time not doing what I should have been doing so I became less inspired and on and on the cycle went until I finally found something that piqued my interest enough that I wanted to write again. There is nothing more daunting than a blank computer screen when you’re searching for ideas and inspiration. The most important thing that I learned from this whole experience is that writing literally anything as a starting point makes planning and writing a post a hell of a lot less intimidating.

Overall, the most important thing I’ve taken away from this whole situation is that I’ve a serious issue with scheduling and overestimating my ability to get things done on my own and that impacts my ability to do the things I want when I want to. I know I need to accept that I can’t do everything by myself but, if you can all be patient with me while I drag my sorry butt out of this funk, I’d be really grateful. I just need a little more time to take care of my mental health and I’ll be back again properly.